I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
