Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Girls should come with a carfax report
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
