he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
