So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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