he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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