Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
