I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the day after is always just damage control
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
