just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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