It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
