just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
