I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
