Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
