I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
