flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
