Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
