When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
