I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
