woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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