I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
