he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize