i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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