Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
