I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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