next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
