I wannas sexs uuuuu
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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