My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
