yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
