Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
