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So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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