Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
