Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
