I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
