I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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