i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
