Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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