i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
