You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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