i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
