it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
