He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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