Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
