I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
