I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
