wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
