the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
