coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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