i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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