We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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