hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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