how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
