Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
