If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dick very happy bro
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
