Me too!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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