Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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