I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
