she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
