We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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