It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
