My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
