Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize